Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever

Winners of the worst analogies in a high school essay, gleaned from a WaPost contest. Including:
“John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.”
“From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.”