To the desperate hobo who stole my bike seat

I guess you really needed my bike seat and tube for your own hobo bike. I wonder if your bike is made of stolen parts and if it keeps you as warm at night as my nice cozy apartment. It’s not that comfortable to lay your head on, as I’ve done several times in Dolores Park while enjoying sunny days with my showered, intelligible and amusing friends.
Desperate Hobo, I’d like to apologize to you for my life being so freaking awesome while yours is smellly, sweaty, and hungry. Next time I’ll buy a bike seat made of beef jerky so you can gnaw on it after being unable to hawk it in the black market of bike seats that I’m now aware of.
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Originally posted on Craigslist, preserving the rant here for posterity